Home / Life Style / I am when again requesting a typical, budget friendly apartment or condo

I am when again requesting a typical, budget friendly apartment or condo

I began my morning, as I do lots of mornings, by masochistically browsing different home listing sites for one-bedrooms and studios I might daydream about renting– well, to the degree that a person can fantasize about something so essentially inhumane as giving a property manager cash just to have someplace to live.

There was a beautiful pre-war apartment or condo in the New york city area of Bed-Stuy, with rich mahogany moldings that used up a whole floor of a brownstone; a corner area in Williamsburg with windows on two sides of the living room. Regrettable everything I found cost upwards of $2,000, a month-to-month rent that I, a single freelance author without any partner to mention much less split lease with, simply can not manage.

And after that I laid eyes on this “Murphy room” studio.

As Gothamist’s Christopher Robbins reported over the weekend, the 470sq ft unit includes motorized bed and cabinet compartments that lower below the ceiling as required. The first of five such houses to go totally functional at The Smile– an ominously named East Harlem advancement that promises another 6 in the future– leas for $3,550 a month.

That’s a complete $850 more than the median asking lease in Manhattan, according to the quarterly market report StreetEasy put out last Friday. And for what? A small studio with apparently contemporary touches that really rob its occupants of simply over a foot of ceiling height? Noisy, motorized furniture hanging from above that threatens to crash down and crush whomever lives there, Wile E Coyote-style, at any time?

The designer behind those motorized storage compartments, Bumblebee Spaces creator Sankarshan Murthy, told Gothamist that they are planned “to make the most out of these spaces”– which I get, in theory. But am I insane for merely wanting a typical closet to keep my things in? Maybe built-in shelves or some other sort of real estate feature that could easily end up being commonplace if landlords and designers didn’t keep slicing up New york city’s readily available real estate into smaller and smaller sized (not to point out significantly unaffordable) portions? And that is to say nothing of the possibility of this shit breaking, as motorized devices are wont to do.

This is all hypothetical anyway, so why not let the robot bed crush me to death totally free

Who is going to repair that? The faceless corporate property manager to whom I send way excessive cash monthly? Some bed that reduces from the ceiling repairperson who does not exist since there’s just a handful of these across the country?

Oh God, and speaking of the bed: its platform has a weight limitation of about 130lbs. I’m uncertain if this suggests that you need to weigh less than 130lbs in order to sleep on it, or if its entire mechanism deal will not raise back up if there is more than 130lbs of weight pressing down upon it as some type of precaution to ensure it does not turn you into a ceiling sandwich. In any case, you are most likely not going to be able to effectively have sex on it.

Truthfully, though, I would move into this silly new high-end unit if it were economical. And I do not suggest “economical” the method the budget-friendly housing policy means it; as LA Tenants Union co-founder Tracy Jeanne Rosenthal just recently composed for the New Republic, this classification actually doesn’t offer affordable units for “exceptionally low-income” occupants, who are disproportionately people of color, and just serves to undermine the general public real estate choices that do.

I suggest in fact cost effective– and even free! This is all hypothetical anyhow, so why not let the robot bed squash me to death free of charge.

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